I'm not worth it
by I'm Mrs Robinson
Summary: Matt Smith and Alex Kingston are deeply in love although neither of them know it. Will they give in to their lust or is it just never meant to be?
1. Chapter 1 Palm to Palm

**Chapter One - Palm to palm**

It was her. She's here. Really, actually here.

He'd been messing about with Arthur so much that he didn't even notice her walk into the room._ Alex Kingston was back._

"Alex Kingston" he murmured under his breath.

"What? Matt! Hello? Are you with us?" Arthur waved a hand in front of Matt as he turned around to see what had captured his attention so quickly. All he saw in that direction was Alex walking through the doors. Still, they hadn't seen Alex in quite a few months now, since she had gone back to America to sort out Salome's school records and such. With them moving back to England now, Salome needed a new school to attend.

"Sorry Arthur, we haven't seen Alex for a while, and I just… My thoughts just started to wander about what she's been up to." Matt was still not really aware of what was happening, his eyes still concentrated on how Alex was floating around the room, greeting everyone.

"Yeah mate, I know, she looks good, you can admit it!" Arthur said, grinning and beginning to laugh.

Matt joined in with the giggling for a few seconds before he silently agreed with him.

Damn, she did look good. In fact, she looked a hell of a lot more than just good. She looked sexy, and Matt's mind began to race at the very thought of him tearing her clothes off.

OoOo

As she walked through the door, the first person she saw was him. Matt Smith. He stood out straight away in the crowded room and he looked brilliant, fantastic even.

Steven began to walk towards her, asking about how both she and Salome had been keeping 'over the pond' in America. She wasn't really paying much attention to what he was saying though because out of the corner of her eye she could see Matt; tall, slender and well, just stunning. She tried not to look at him but couldn't help the sly glances in Matt's direction while trying to keep up with her conversation with Steven.

"Alex! Are you even listening to me?" Steven chuckled, attempting to pull her attention back to their banter.

"Oh, sorry Steven, I'll speak to you later. I'm going to go and say hi Karen, Arthur and Matt."

As she said his name, she was sure her voice changed. Her tone had definitely softened. As she said it, a shiver passed through her body.

"Matt Smith" she whispered while she walked across the room to see them... _him._

OoOo

Matt saw that she was heading towards them and wondered if she was coming over just to talk to her on-screen parents Arthur and Karen, who had just joined them.

_Damn, she looks even better closer up than from across the room,_ Matt thought just before Alex stopped in front of them.

She hugged Karen first, of course telling her she'd missed her and couldn't wait to catch up. Then it was Arthur's turn, who she hugged while shouting "Daddy!" excitedly while the pair of them simply laughed. Matt was about to offer out his hand, thinking _why would Alex Kingston want to hug me, she's flipping Alex Kingston_.

But, just then, she pulled him into a big embrace, and, although shocked, Matt found himself wrapping his arms around her.

His face was enclosed in her beautiful, extravagant hair, their strawberry scent gracing his senses. Strawberries were now his favourite smell, he decided, as her curls tickled his cheeks, sending shivers throughout his body.

And then it was over. In just a few seconds of holding her, so much emotion had passed through him. He kept up the smile on the outside, although he knew that an innocent hug was all he would ever get.

OoOo

Alex didn't know what made her do it. She had already hugged both Karen and Arthur but Matt was different. A hug from Matt wouldn't be just a hug. She saw his arm move from his side and knew he was going to shake her hand but suddenly her arms began to move around his slender body. She fit perfectly in his arms and could feel his face lying so sweetly in her hair. He smelt lovely as well, just a little musty, like an old childhood toy you could never get over.

As they both pulled away from the embrace, she felt a little flushed and looked at Karen and Arthur to see if they noticed, but, luckily, they hadn't. It was alright, she hadn't been sussed out. She thought Matt's cheeks were a bit red but it was probably because he was embarrassed. _A woman of her age embracing him. What was she thinking?_

* * *

><p>Right, this is just Chapter One and the title is a song lyric but because I am evil you can try to guess. I will update this story about twice a week or at least once.<p>

An amazing girl called Catherine beta'd this because she is just cool :-)

See you next time guys :-)


	2. Chapter 2 Should I give up?

Chapter 2 - Should I give up?

Matt didn't want to go out tonight. He wanted to spend his night alone, thinking about those amazing few seconds he had spent holding Alex Kingston in his arms. He wanted to cherish that moment forever and never let it go because he knew it would never happen again.

But everyone wanted to go out for a drink for Alex's arrival back to London and he couldn't really pass up an opportunity to spend time with her. She was perfect in every single way. Her body was a perfect size; he just wanted to drape his arms around her luscious curves. Her stunning face, every feature was positioned just perfectly. Her hair, it was the most eye catching thing he had ever seen, the curls fell around her face, oozing with elegance.

"Matt! Matt, honey! Where are you?" His thoughts were interrupted by the unexpected shout.

It was Daisy Lowe, Matt's girlfriend, Matt's model girlfriend. She was beautiful and that's why she was a model, he always thought. But no matter how beautiful she was, Alex would always beat her. For example, Daisy's long black hair could never even be a contender with Alex's flawless curls.

"Yeah, sweetheart. I'm in here!" Matt called back from the spare room where he was lying stretched out across the tiny red sofa. As Daisy walked into the room, she was all dressed up in a sophisticated blue dress with her bright blue high heels on. She looked nice. Nice. He can't believe he just thought that. He thought his model girlfriend Daisy Lowe looked nice for a night out. Most men would love to be in his position but he didn't. He only wanted to fill one position - the man worthy of Alex Kingston.

"I'm going out tonight, Matt, with some of the girls from today's shoot. We won't be out too long and I'll be back around midnight." Daisy said while walking towards him and giving him a quick peck on the cheek.

"I'm going out tonight as well darling. You know Alex is back from America and we're all going out to celebrate her return to the big smoke!"

"Alex Kingston?"

"Yep, I'll be back before you. We're only going for a couple with Karen and Arthur." Even as Matt said this, he wished that Karen and Arthur wouldn't be able to make it and it would just be him and her.

"Okay babe. See you later!" Daisy walked out of the room and Matt heard her heels clomp along the wood-floored hallway and then the front door slam as she left. He took in a deep breath as he thought about such a horrible person he was. Him, Matt Smith is leading Daisy Lowe on. Just because he wasn't in love with her anymore doesn't mean she doesn't deserve someone who will treat her right.

As Matt walked to his bedroom he shared with Daisy, he realised he didn't love her. He didn't love Daisy Lowe anymore and he didn't think he could feel any worse. It still hurt. It hurt because he didn't love Daisy, he loved Alex. _He loved Alex Kingston._ He pulled off his t-shirt and replaced it with a nicer one, he knew Alex liked this one because she complimented it once when he wore it on the set a few months back - that's the only reason he hadn't trashed it when Daisy asked.

Matt turned the key in the door to get out and his eyes were drawn to a photo of him and Daisy in the park last summer. He got a pain in the pit of his stomach. After Matt took the key out of the door, he walked over to the fireplace where the photo was standing and silently turned it over, face down, before leaving the house for the bar.

**OoOo**

Alex never even wanted to go out for a 'welcome home drink' with Karen and Arthur. Matt, well he was a different matter. Of course she would love to see his tall, dark and slim body as she walked into the bar but she knew Matt, she knew he wouldn't want to go out for a drink. Even more so if she was going to be there.

Still she decided to try and put on a brave face - mainly for Salome. She loved her daughter more than anyone in the world, but Matt had to be second. Muffins. The only thing Alex could make that was edible. Salome loved Alex's muffins, the ones that she makes herself. So that's what she decided to do. As she sang and danced hurriedly around the kitchen trying to get these muffins in the oven before Salome got home from school, she remembered what thought had went through her head just a few minutes before. That she loves Matt. _She loves Matt Smith._

She stopped dancing for a second and fell backwards, resting on the kitchen workbench. Her breathing was heavy and she finally realised that she is in love with him. She started to laugh and sort of giggle as she declared to herself "I love Matt Smith!".

Alex took the muffins out of the oven just as Salome walked through the door and said "Mum, I'm home!" while running into the kitchen to give Alex a huge hug. They had a conversation like they do nearly every night after school about Salome's day and what she'd been up to. The pair of them sat in their sitting room with a freshly baked muffin, Alex with a cup of tea and Salome with a glass of orange juice.

"Sweet heart, I'm going out tonight with Karen, Arthur and Matt. Is that alright? I'll get Julie to come over and sit with you for a while." Alex held Salome's hand.

"Okay Mum, I was wondering why you made muffins for me!" Alex threw her head back and laughed out loud and Salome joined her with her cute, childish giggle and they laughed till they were red in the face.

Alex climbed the stairs of her new London home and when in her bedroom, she lay down on her bed, she shared it with no-one although sometimes wished she didn't. She smiled thinking of what would happen that night with her, Karen, Arthur and Matt.

"Matt." she whispered his name and grinned from ear to ear.

**OoOo**

Matt gave Arthur a lift to the pub and, as they walked in and looked around, they realised they were there first. They went over to a corner in the far side of the room and Arthur sat across from Matt. The first thought that began racing through his mind was that when the girls came there would be a chance that Alex would be sitting next to him. This was good.

This was more than good, _it was amazing_.

He kept up casual chat with Arthur for around 10 minutes until the girls arrived and boy did they arrive. Karen shimmied in wearing a pair of black shorts and a cute white top with a pair of what she makes her call 'pumps' (although he never understood that term!). She looked lovely and actually beautiful but then again, she always did.

Behind her was Alex. She looked completely stunning in a red, smooth slinky dress. It was quite low cut too. The dress stopped just above the knee and as she was walking towards him it kept floating up with the breeze and revealing just that bit of leg, leaving Matt wanting a hell of a lot more. The shoes she was wearing were a pair of killer heels with a red sole and a shiny black colour which kept hitting the light.

As they walked over Matt began to again wonder which seat Alex would take and, as if Karen had knew what he wanted, she sat down next to Arthur. She tilted her head to the side and giving him a sly wink. Matt couldn't help but giggle then realised that Alex was sliding in next to him. He silently wished she was sliding in next to him somewhere else. As she slid across the wooden seat, she crashed into his side and the pair of them burst into laughter. That second they touched was just amazing and he never thought a woman would make him feel so amazing like she does.

"Alright boys?" Alex said while hitting Matt's arm and making completely forget what he was thinking about her.

"They are now that us girlies are here!" Karen joined in with the joke.

"We couldn't have waited another second without you two, could we Matt?" Arthur nudged his leg under the table trying his best not to laugh.

"Of course not! How are we supposed to live without you beautiful women!" As Matt said this so sarcastically he thought about how true it was. Well, at least for the woman sitting next to him that second.

As the night continued, Alex kept touching his arm, innocently of course although he wanted so much more than a touch on his arm. God, he wanted so much more than a touch on his arm. He wanted a touch everywhere on this body - every inch. They'd had an arm wrestle which was really just an excuse for him to hold her soft and gentle hand in his. All four of them had had drinking competitions to see who could down shots fastest and of course he had won - with Alex at a close second.

At one point Matt was taking another sneaky look at Alex when she turned her head and their eyes met for a few seconds. It felt like much longer than a few seconds. It was like an eternity, one that he would happily spend with her. All he could think of at that moment was her, he forgot Daisy, Karen and Arthur and that he was in a public place and he moved his hand over towards hers but realised at the last second after she turned her head away and just managed to stop himself. Just a moment more and he would have gave himself away, the fact he loved Alex Kingston.

The night was beginning to come to an end because it was around 11pm and he remembered Daisy said she would be home around 12am and he said he would be home before her. Arthur and Karen decided to carpool home together leaving just him and Alex to finish their drinks together which unfortunately wasn't much.

"How you getting home then Kingston?" The second Matt asked that question he wished hadn't. It made him sound like he was dying to get out of there and leave her when he didn't, he wanted nothing less.

"Well I was going to get a lift off you but neither of us are up for driving now are we!" She giggled before continuing "So I suppose we'll have to share a cab then Smithy. Lucky you!" As she said the last two words she winked at Matt before bursting into a fit of laughter along with him.

After he had composed himself from her seductive wink, he replied "You're the lucky girl Kingston. Sharing a cab with the one and only Matt Smith, or the Doctor as I prefer to be called." Then it was Matt's turn to wink at her.

Still smiling she said she was going to the toilet and asked for him to phone for a cab. As she walked away her dress floated up, again revealing that little bit of leg, sending shivers down his spine. He pulled his phone out of his pocket to phone for a cab and saw that he had a text from Daisy "B home l8tr thn planned dont wait up xxx". As Matt sighed he thought about how much he hated her texting like that (why can't the woman just speak real English!) and dialled the cab company.

**OoOo**

Karen was giving her a lift down to the pub. She always says that she has to drive practically past her house to get there when she doesn't. If driving practically by her house is almost 15 minutes from the road then fine, she wouldn't argue. In the car they both joked about how they like to turn up 'fashionably late' for any night out with Arthur and Matt.

When they arrived at the pub Matt immediately stood out in the far corner of the room. He was sitting across from Arthur and she thought of how, depending on where Karen sat, she might get the chance to sit next to Matt for a whole night. She started to walk towards the boys table with Karen leading the way, wondering why she let Karen go first, now she has first pick of the seats.

It's fine though as Karen sat next to Arthur - across from where she will be sitting. Oh god, she's sitting next to Matt. That is both so beautiful and scary at the same time. Matt and Karen laugh at each other as she slides across the wooden seat and purposely bumps into Matt, just to feel his body on hers, even for just a second. Her heart feels as though it flutters for just a second as her bare arm brushes against his.

Karen cracks a joke about the boys needing the pair of them and she laughs. Alex has always thought that Karen's laugh is one of the best things in the word - apart from Matt. They joke about the boys needing them and she wishes Matt needed her. It sounds funny but that all she's ever wanted, someone to need her. But, if she's going to be truthful she doesn't need someone she needs him, Matt Smith.

When Matt asked her for an arm wrestle later on in the night she couldn't say no. Really, which girl would turn down an excuse to touch Matt Smith. She knew Daisy Lowe got to touch him all the time.

No, she had to get that out of her mind. Every single time she thought of Daisy Lowe, Matt's girlfriend, she felt so guilty for loving him. The only thing that made her feel better after that was that Daisy wasn't a very nice woman, yes she was beautiful but not very polite and such.

Alex was flirting with Matt, or as some people might call it, 'touching his arm' throughout the night. It was the only way she could manage to stop herself from just touching him in places that should not be touched in public. Just thinking of that made her a little flushed and panicking a little she looked around to see if Karen or the boys had noticed. In that moment Matt looked up and his eyes looked straight into hers and she became even more flushed than before although couldn't seem to take her eyes away from his. For that moment she didn't even breathe she just stared straight into his eyes and knew he was the only man on the Earth for her.

He thought she hadn't noticed his hand move towards hers resting on the wooden bench between them but she had. It was only innocent of course and that was one of the things that killed her that they were so close and yet she was unable to just tell him everything.

At about 11pm Karen and Arthur said they were going to share a cab because of their houses being at the same side of London so they left together when their cab came, giving them all a kiss as they left. She and Matt were left on their own in the dark corner of the bustling bar to finish their drinks although she didn't have much left which meant not much of a conversation alone with him which suddenly put a downer on her mood.

They just had a casual chat about filming in the next couple of weeks and about general things but to her it was so much more than a chat, it was time alone with him. He asked how she was getting home and she replied jokingly saying she was going to blag one from him before coming to the conclusion they would share a cab.

After making a joke about how lucky he was to be sharing a cab with her she gave him a sly wink. To her it was not a friendly one it was a way that she could pretend he was hers without him or anyone else knowing. Then, much to her disappointment her bladder had filled it's self which meant precious time away from Matt which she could never afford to waste. As she announced that she was going to the toilet Matt said he would call a cab for the pair of them to go to her house first and he'd get out last. Matt added a cheeky wink directed at her as she turned around to go to the toilets at the other side of the bar, giggling as she went. As she walked away she couldn't help but wish the cab was only going to one address.

* * *

><p>Well hello there, here is the long awaited chapter 2, 'Should I give up?'. This chapter is a lot longer than the first one which will hopefully satisfy your needs before the next chapter which will be up in the next week. Thank you for all the positive reviews which I love reading! Also Catherine beta'd this chapter again so a round of apluase for her too! *claps*. Thank you :-)<p> 


	3. Chapter 3 I've learned the hard way

Chapter 3 - I've learned the hard way

As they clambered into the cab Matt made her climb over to the far side just so that he could look at the rounded, peachy shaped bum that was now inches from his face. They were both slightly tipsy and both of them knew Alex couldn't handle her drink too well. The cab's first stop would be at Alex's house which came a hell of a lot quicker than the 35 minute drive it normally was. When the cab stopped outside her house she went to give Matt some money for her half of the cab fare but he refused to take it.

"Nope! Kingston, I refuse to take a woman's money! This cab fare is on me, you can pay next time." Matt was trying to make it sound like a joke but it really wasn't because God, he would give anything to even just share a cab with her again.

"There's going to be another time like this?" Alex sounded quite excited by this concept although was probably terrified.

"Well Kingston, if you want there to be then there will be." Matt gave her a wink, they seemed to have being winking at each other a lot that night. Alex began to laugh but the moment was ruined by the impatient cab driver beeping the car horn very, very loudly, bringing Alex back to reality.

"I'll see you for filming next Monday then, Matt. Thank you for a lovely night out!" Alex had a grin on her face for some reason.

"Okay then, tonight was pretty good I have to say. Goodnight Kingston." He said this completely flat because if he added any emotion he would feel the tears start to burn in his eyes and he couldn't let her do that to him. Matt climbed into the cab and shut the door. As the cab began to drive away he realised he didn't want to leave neither her or Salome that night. He got to the end of the street and the cab begun to turn the corner. Matt shouted at the cab driver to stop. The cab stopped and Matt looked behind him and saw Alex standing at her porch probably trying to find her house key. Before he even knew what he was doing he handed the cab driver some notes and jumped out of the cab. He walked back up the street Alex lived in and saw her still searching for her key.

"It's not safe at night Kingston. Better get inside." Matt whispered in Alex's ear now standing right behind her. She turned round and when she saw it was him, she took a deep breath.

"Matt! You scared me!" Alex tried to shout but her voice broke. What she said came out in a soft tone.

Before she could continue what she was about to say or more than likely hit him he leaned in and kissed her. Just a peck on the lips. It lasted only less than a couple of seconds. Matt moved his head away from her and opened his eyes.

"Is that it? Is that all I get Mr Smith?" Alex was looking at him with a massive grin on her face and before Matt knew he had his arms wrapped around her curvaceous figure, pulling her in closer. His hands were buried in her luscious hair, dragging her head onto his. A sharp pain could be felt on his head, although it was a good pain and one he didn't want to stop anytime soon. They only pulled apart occasionally to get their breath back. Matt could feel her hands placed softly on his back rubbing him up and down. and They felt like they belonged there. He never wanted to remove his lips from hers ever again and it felt like this was how his life was meant to be from now on. Then she slipped her tongue into his mouth and it danced around, hitting points he never even knew he had. Alex removed her tongue from his mouth and their lips parted. They were panting hard and Matt was still holding her in his arms.

"We shouldn't have done that." Matt didn't look at her but kept her head rested on his chest as he stroked her hair.

"I know." Alex whispered "But it was brilliant, wasn't it?".

Alex moved her head from his chest and laughed. _Oh god her laugh. _He didn't dare look down at that point and he hoped she hadn't either. Her laugh had sent him over the edge but he tried to forget about it.

"Matt, I didn't know you... you were attracted to me like this ?" Alex kept staring straight into his eyes but before he could reply she started to speak again. "This isn't right Matt. You have Daisy, she's your girlfriend and you've betrayed her, she deserves more".

"I know but.." He decided to plead, beg to her that he wanted her and not Daisy Lowe.

"But nothing. We will just carry on as normal because we both know it isn't right."_This is right" _Matt thought. "Not that I'm saying it wasn't enchanting."

They both laughed at that point and Matt pulled her in for a hug. They both clung to each other and Matt knew that this was what he wanted. _He wanted Alex Kingston. _He didn't want to hurt Daisy but she could never give him what Alex gave him and he could tell Alex knew that.

Matt was the first to pull away and just said "I have to go home Alex. To my girlfriend". He only said it to see if she would beg him to stay but she didn't. Alex just looked totally defeated. She found her keys eventually and opened her front door. Turning around she gave Matt one last glance with her tear filled eyes that made his heart stop beating for just a second before she shut the door.

Matt didn't know what to do. He wanted to bang on the door as loudly as he could and demand she came outside and admitted that she enjoyed that kiss again. Demand that she wanted him as much as he wanted her but he couldn't. Matt knew the only thing that he could do was what also the thing he least wanted to. To go home to his girlfriend. _His damn girlfriend._

As he walked down the stairs from Alex's porch and along her pathway he felt a single tear fall down his cheek. He had never cried over a girl before, ever. But then again Alex Kingston wasn't a girl, she was a woman. _A whole lot of woman from what I __had just__ experienced only moments ago_ he thought to himself. He dialled the number for a cab and sat at the end of her path on the curb outside her house with his head in his hands waiting for the cab. When it came and he was climbing in he couldn't help one last glance at her house and he could have sworn he saw her at a downstairs window staring back at her. That just broke his heart even more.

**OoOo**

Alex shuffled along to the far side of the cab, which left her slightly disappointed as she wouldn't be able to sneak a glance at Matt's bum now, although she already had many a time before now. That made her giggle a little which as a result made Matt dig her in the side. The cab was going to her house first, which was a little disappointing because she couldn't help but wish it was only going to her house. However it was an example of how Matt always put her first. _He always made her feel more special than she really was._

The cab pulled up outside her house and she tried to give Matt half the fare but he refused, of course. _Again __always__ putting her first. _When he said she could pay next time she hoped he meant that they would be sharing a cab alone again and not something else. She tried to hide the massive grin threatening to take over her face.

"There's going to be another time like this?" Even as she said this she was trying to hide the massive grin she knew had made an appearance. Though it was hard to disguise her happiness.

"Well Kingston, if you want there to be then there will."Matt added in a little wink for good measure when he'd finished talking. She couldn't hide it this time and just burst out into laughter but before Matt could join her the man in the cab got impatient and beeped the car horn.

"I'll see you for filming next Monday then Matt. Thank you for a lovely night out!" Alex chimed as she realised where they were and began to walk away from Matt and towards her front door. She started to think that she couldn't wait until next Monday.

"Okay then, tonight was pretty good I have to say. Goodnight Kingston." He had turned around before he'd even finished the sentence probably because he didn't care about hearing a reply. She unzipped her handbag as she walked up her path trying to find her keys. Her hands were shaking so much... It took her ages to try and even pull down the zip on the inside of her bag. She was rummaging around and was finding anything but her keys – make up, tissues, and even old sweet wrappers. Just as she found them at the bottom of the pocket she sensed someone behind her and before she could turn around they whispered "It's not safe at night Kingston. Better get inside.".

"Matt! You scared me!". Alex meant for this to come out of her mouth as a shout but it only was a little louder than a whisper and before she could protest anymore his lips were pressed against hers. It only happened for a few seconds and yet he had nearly knocked her off her feet with a little peck on the lips. Then it hit her. _He must feel the same way as me_. Before she was even aware of what she was going to do, she said "Is that it? Is that all I get Mr Smith?". A massive smirk appeared on her face and not even a second later her fingernails were digging into his scalp, running her fingers across his head with her open mouth pressed hard against his. Matt's hands were buried into her hair and they were dragging their heads towards each other with such a passion that Alex could barely think. There was no space between the two of them - and both their bodies were pushed against together, creating a sense of urgency to carry on. She slowly began to move her hands down his upper back, drawing patterns with her stretched out slender fingers. Her tongue slid into his soft, moist mouth, dancing around and hoping it gave him pleasure of which he was definitely returning. As she took her tongue from his mouth she heard him panting just as much as she was.

Alex just left her head on his chest. She could feel him stroking and running his fingers through her hair and felt as though she never wanted him to stop. "We shouldn't have done that." Matt suddenly broke the silence and Alex realised then that he didn't want her, he just wanted a fling. She said the only thing she could think of at that moment "I know. But it was brilliant wasn't it?".

She moved her head up away from his chest and laughed. Matt didn't laugh but a smile was sprawled across his face. She knew he wasn't going to talk so instead replied "Matt, I didn't know you... you were attracted to me like this" She was staring straight into his eyes but before he could start to reply she started to speak again. "This isn't right Matt. You have Daisy, she's your girlfriend and you've betrayed her, she deserves more". Just saying those few simple words broke her heart, but they had to be said. She knew he just wanted an affair – not a woman to tie him down. _He had daisy for that._

"I know but.." She could have given him a chance to speak but decided that if he wanted to speak bad enough then he would find a way.

"But nothing. We will just carry on as normal because we both know it isn't right. Not that I'm saying it wasn't enchanting." Both of them laughed at that point and Matt just pulled her in for a hug. She clung to him and it hurt knowing he was with Daisy and she wasn't who he wanted. If she could have done, she never would have let him go again. Being so close to him and yet still knowing that she wasn't what he wanted full time hurt. A lot.

Matt unwrapped his arms from around Alex and she took that as a hint to remove her head from his chest and hands from the small of his back. In barely more than a whisper, he spoke. "I have to go home Alex. To my girlfriend". It seemed as though it hurt him to say that but it was probably just because he was scared she would start shouting and screaming at him which she had to stop herself from doing. She wanted to say something back but just couldn't find any words to say. Alex just tried to find the keys in her bag, and luckily found them almost straight away and let herself into her house. _Say something Alex. Tell him how you really feel. _All she managed to do was stop herself from breaking down there and then. Stepping over the threshold she turned around and looked at Matt who seemed to be completely calm by the whole thing and just shut the door.

The second she was inside her house she just collapsed in a heap on her 'Welcome home' matt she had at the door. No sound came out of her mouth but the tears kept rolling down her cheeks. All that kept running around her mind was that he had lead her on. Matt didn't have to kiss her there although she didn't actually kiss him back. For that moment she had just completely forgotten about Daisy and she felt so guilty about it. He had kissed her though so she really couldn't be blamed for all of this, if it came to a blaming case. She hadn't realised how long she'd been sitting there but she heard a car horn beep outside. _Matt's cab. _She ran to the front window and saw him climbing into it with a bright red face. _Probably just from the cold outside. _As soon as she noticed he was looking in the direction of the house, she took a quick step back from the window and pushed the curtains shut in the process.

She done the only thing she could think to do in that moment and went up the stairs to her bedroom. In the bathroom she stared at her red, blotchy face in the mirror and splashed some cold water on it even though she knew the second she went to bed she would begin to cry again. Thoughts about what had just happened were running through her mind and she just couldn't make sense of it all. Her normally clockwork-like mind was becoming like a jumble sale! On the way to her bedroom she decided to check in on Salome. Opening the door quietly making sure not to wake her, Alex stood up on her tiptoes just to see Salome's tightly shut eyes and head laying on the pillow. That made her smile at least. Her daughter was completely unaware that her mother was an emotional wreck at that moment and had been for a while that evening.

Alex clambered into her bed. She pulled down the covers and then once she was comfortable she pulled them right up to her chin like a child would do. The empty side of the bed always gave her shivers because she knew there was only one person who she would ever want to fill it. This made her burst into tears again and she hugged the unused pillow in an attempt for comfort. All she could think of was that kiss and how magical it had been. _God__,__ there __may__ as well __have__ been fireworks._

She heard her bedroom door open and she turned round to look. She saw Salome sneaking in with her teddy bear in one hand.

"Mommy?" As soon as Salome said it Alex just burst into tears and replied "Just come over here my darling". Not another word was spoken between the pair because, as they say, actions speak louder than words. Alex just lay there and cuddled Salome into her; and it gave her some comfort and made her think that no matter what happened she would always have her beautiful daughter. Salome didn't ask what was wrong – she just lay there and let her mother silently cry into her hair until she fell asleep. Alex followed her lead and just a little while after was asleep too. The last word she muttered before she fell asleep was just simply "Matt".

* * *

><p>Hiya everyone, thank you for the positive reviews and sorry that this chapter has taken so long to get up. :-)<p>

We have a new beta reader called Emma so give her a big shout out!

Hope you's like all the magic that's happened in this chapter! :-)


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